brian's blog

I (somewhat compulsively) read the home page news headlines on Yahoo several times a day. The story headline text itself is almost always bland (e.g. "Roberts disparaged states' sex-bias fight"), but once in a while an amusing or ambiguous headline slips by the editorial process.

I've kept a list of my favorites from Yahoo's editors over the years. My obsessive neurosis is your brief gain:

5) Armed gangs threaten Mexican sea turtles

Why are inner city street gangs threatening poor, defenseless sea turtles? Defenseless Mexican sea turtles?

I think the actual story explained that poacher gangs are stealing the turtles' valuable eggs. I was disappointed to learn that the turtles weren't being intimidated at knifepoint.

4) Powell: Abuse photos send horrible image

Pun intended, I'm sure.

3) Arabs want Israeli barrier destroyed

You think? Must have been a slow news day.

2) Giant mutant ant colony found in Australia

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

Wait, you mean the colony is giant, and not the ants? Nevermind.

And, my favourite...

1) Lucille Ball tops list of dead celebrities

Yes, she is pretty dead. Moreso than the others, it seems.